Is There a Blessing for Social Networking?

We Jews pray for a lot of things.  We bless when we buy something new.  We bless the food we eat.  We even have a prayer for going to the bathroom.  No, that's not a joke.  There is a blessing for going to the bathroom.

But it occurred to me today that there are an awful lot of spiritual and community leaders on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all of the other social media venues which got me thinking, is there a blessing one should say before posting?

There is a beautiful prayer recited before one studies Torah, and it goes, "Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the World, who has sanctified us with your commandments and commanded us to engage in the words of Torah."  And I love that prayer because it talks about engaging with the words rather than just learning them or listening to them.  For me, social networking is also about engagement with one another, and for that reason, I believe it has the potential to be holy.

So here is what I'm offering:

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the World, who inspires us to engage with the community, to celebrate our joys and mourn our pains, and to honor your presence in the world by elevating our compassion, our speech, and our connection with the members of our social networking community.

It's not perfect, but it's a place to begin.  And I have to wonder, if we pause to acknowledge where God falls in our posting before we update our statuses, will it change or influence what we have to say?

What's Next?

I admit it, I'm a crazed "West Wing" fan (the tv series, not the part of the building).  My husband has recently discovered the series on Netflix, and he is amused and sometimes freaked out by how well I know the show, often quoting lines as the actors are saying them, for a show that I haven't watched since it went out of syndication.  I have a friend who calls me "Flamingo" - a secret service name given to one of the characters, and I call him either "Princeton" or "POTUS" to get a laugh in return (also secret service names of characters).  I think I've made the point, I like the show.

There is an amazing question embedded in so many episodes of the show, and that's why I'm featuring it today.  That question is, "What's Next?"  On the show, it is most often asked by the President of the United States or the White House Chief of Staff, and it comes right after the thrill of victory AND right after the agony of defeat.

The messaging is clear - celebration is good.  Get back to work.  Mourning is fine.  Get back to work.

Our work is never done whether we are raising money, loving our family, or working on ourselves.  With our careers, with our lives, with our joys, and with our sorrows.  It IS important to live in the now and to experience each moment as it comes.  But whether we are succeeding wildly or failing miserably, there is a point where we look to the future and ask, "What's Next?"

How'm I Doin'?

This morning I saw on the news that Ed Koch, former Mayor of New York, died.  Now I don't know much about his politics, what he accomplished (or didn't), or whether he was an effective Mayor.  What I can tell you is that I always loved Ed Koch, even though he was famous for his acid tongue and his sharp wit, but also for his generally affable personality.

So today's question is an homage to his traditional greeting when he spoke to crowds, when New Yorkers yelled at him on the streets, basically anywhere he went, he opened with his trademark, "How'm I Doin'?"

I love this question, and I see a larger value to it than merely a way for Mayor Koch to open conversation.

First, it suggests an investment in wanting to do well.  If I'm asking for feedback before it is offered, I reflect to my supervisor, my colleagues, my friends that I want to be all that I can be.  Can you imagine what our personal relationships would be like if we asked, "how am I doing as your friend?", "how am I doing as your spouse/partner?", "how am I doing as your child?"

Second, in a work setting, it pushes supervisors to provide ongoing feedback rather than just once a year evaluation (if they even do that) - a practice that is hopelessly ineffective and yields very little to actually improving job performance.  But most supervisors are uncomfortable with evaluation and won't provide ongoing feedback unless it is asked for, even with positive reviews.

Third, it's a great question to simply ask oneself.  In "Standing in the Fire: Leading High Heat Meetings With Clarity, Calm and Courage," author Larry Dressler recommends that when faced with situations packed with emotion and anger, one of the best things a facilitator can do is check in with him/herself and see how s/he is doing before managing the situation.

So thank you, Mayor Koch, for giving all of us this valuable question and some great memories.  For the record, you were doing great.

What Do You Do When Perfect Isn't an Option?

Well, my daily blogging aspiration for 2013 was a lofty goal.  Here are some things I didn't take into account:  The Stomach Flu.  Family Vacation.  Really Important Work Projects.  Family Obligations.  Messy House.  To simply name a few.

But the goal wasn't to write a blog, it was to write a daily blog so that I could have something extraordinary to report at the end of the year.  So, I was faced with a question, "What do you do when perfect isn't an option?"

I'm not sure that anyone would actually notice if I had let the blog fade out.  I'm not sure that anyone would care if I wrote a post and picked up where I left off.  But I felt strongly that I had to acknowledge my absence, my failure to achieve the perfection I had aspired to when I started the blog, but also, my decision to acknowledge what is now imperfect but still worthwhile.

It happens, right?  There is nothing wrong with striving for perfection and achieving great.  I'm not certain that I'm achieving great, but I'm thrilled to be trying.  And I won't know until the end of the project what I've really achieved.  And maybe it will be great, and if it is, that will be just perfect.

Can I See Myself As Others See Me?

We've all been in that space where we are approaching a big project, trying a new activity, or doing something about which we feel really uncertain. Whatever the situation, it can be even more unnerving when the outcomes feel like they have very high stakes and failure is not an option.

It's hard to tackle the self doubt that creeps into one's mind, even at times when we are certain of our abilities to perform.

In these moments, I like to pause and ask myself, "Can I try to see myself as others see me?"

I know I have the respect of many peers, colleagues, students, and friends. If we were to ask any of these folks, "do you think I can handle this?", the answer would most certainly be a resounding yes. So in those "scary" moments, I'm finding it useful to see myself through these fresh sets of eyes and reflecting on how that changes my own lenses.

Give it a try!

Why Is This So Difficult?

Today I had a difficult experience. So difficult, in fact, that when I thought of the question I nearly dismissed it.

Here's what happened. I'm heading to New York tonight and I arrived at the airport raring to go. Except for one thing. I have a pretty severe set of injuries in my back in which standing in one place for a long time (security lines anyone?) and walking long distances (farthest terminal anyone?) are really painful. So I'm faced with a choice. Endure the pain or accept a wheelchair.

I chose the wheelchair.

And the entire ride I kept explaining to everyone I encountered that I have this set of back injuries, I'm not lazy. As if they cared.

I kept thinking to myself, "why is this so humiliating?" But then I realized, that is not the question. The question is, Why is this so difficult? Or more to the point, why am I making this more difficult internally than it is externally? Once I asked myself this question, I let it all go and started noticing how kind people were being and how nobody cared why I needed extra time to board. They just offered it up with kindness. (Quick plug for Virgin America)

So I'm going to try to keep this in mind at my next bout of humiliation. If I can open my heart to the kindness, maybe it won't be so difficult. And maybe I will get an extra bag of peanuts.

What's the Difference Between?

A favorite joke of my father's is "What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant's gas emission? One's a BARroom and one's a barROOM!"

Ok, the joke is a little cheesy, I admit.

But I love the question "what's the difference between" because it asks us to carefully consider our options. What sets an idea apart? It is more than just casually considering two choices, the question asks us to not only consider pros and cons but the substantive qualitative differences.

There is a theory of identity development which posits that one of the ways we develop our own identities is by defining ourselves and defining the other. There are of course other ways we develop our own identities, but one is by identifying what makes us different.

By identifying what make choices different, we can embolden and advocate for the ones for which we opt. Sometimes that makes all the difference.