Why Is This So Difficult?

Today I had a difficult experience. So difficult, in fact, that when I thought of the question I nearly dismissed it.

Here's what happened. I'm heading to New York tonight and I arrived at the airport raring to go. Except for one thing. I have a pretty severe set of injuries in my back in which standing in one place for a long time (security lines anyone?) and walking long distances (farthest terminal anyone?) are really painful. So I'm faced with a choice. Endure the pain or accept a wheelchair.

I chose the wheelchair.

And the entire ride I kept explaining to everyone I encountered that I have this set of back injuries, I'm not lazy. As if they cared.

I kept thinking to myself, "why is this so humiliating?" But then I realized, that is not the question. The question is, Why is this so difficult? Or more to the point, why am I making this more difficult internally than it is externally? Once I asked myself this question, I let it all go and started noticing how kind people were being and how nobody cared why I needed extra time to board. They just offered it up with kindness. (Quick plug for Virgin America)

So I'm going to try to keep this in mind at my next bout of humiliation. If I can open my heart to the kindness, maybe it won't be so difficult. And maybe I will get an extra bag of peanuts.