When I was in college, I had a friend who had a tendency toward the histrionic. It took very little to set her off and the drama was my earliest experience with reality TV in real life. Something would get her going and off she went into a rant like nothing I had seen before, save for the childhood playground. Once during an episode, while some us were trying to respond to the barrage of rapid fire complaints in the tantrum, a mutual friend of ours looked at her calmly and simply said, "What's the issue?"
It stopped her in her tracks as she paused to consider this deeply insightful question. And I never forgot it because my friend managed to boil the entire rant down to a central question.
I've thought about that question so many times over the years whenever I've been in a position of having to respond to someone who is upset. It's not the seat at the back table that the attendee is upset about, it's the perception that he or she isn't as important or valued as those in the front. It's not the rejection from the leadership program that the applicant is suffering, it's the perceived commentary on his or leadership potential and ability. It's not the getting picked last for the team that stings, it's the perception of one's popularity or ability to contribute to the goal that hurts.
What's the issue? does more for creating solutions and building ideas than "I'm sorry you're upset" ever could. I can't wait to use it.
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